Sorrow Made
by Raven Midnight Memoryz
Summary: When she takes here last breath she still does regret it but before she does she tells her story as to why she did it. It might have been a stupid thing but she just hurt so much.


Sorrow Made

Fear began to flood her thoughts and quickly turned into sobs as the phone rang. _What if she didn't answer?_ The phone trembled in her hand as she watched the blood run from her arms to stain the porcelain floor. With all the things going on in her head one thing failed to be created; regret. Everything became cold slowly but painfully, with every breath she took she seemed to fade even farther away.

"Hello?" Her mother said curiously into the phone.

"Mum… I need you… to come get me." The words were so difficult to get out even with them being the only words repeating in her head.

"What's wrong? Where are you?" Her mum seemed to be panicking from the sobbing her daughter was coughing up.

"Bathroom…" That was all she could muster up before she was being choked by the tears again.

"I'm on my way, Raven." Her mum's voiced changed to an unsettling tone of fear. Raven hung up and using all the will she could find to put the phone carefully into her pocket. Every second that clocked by seems to be a thousand minutes making the fear returned to Raven's head. It begins to get even colder as the blood drained from the girl's body to the bathroom floor. Dizziness swept into her as did the sudden sleepiness. Raven found she was falling asleep as she was bewildered by the amount of one person could bleed.

Raven's mother burst through the doors to the school with one thing on her mind; Finding her daughter. She looked at the ladies behind the desk and everything just seemed to fall out;

"My daughter is in trouble. She is in one of the girl's bathroom. We need to help her." The ladies got up from their desks with understanding. Was it the mangled look on her face or was her story just that believable. With in minutes, with the help of off duty teachers, they found Raven in a stall on the edge of dying.

"Call nine-one-one, someone." Her mum screamed at the women behind her. From how long it took her to get there the ambulance was there within seconds. They hulled the girls on to a plastic stretcher. Raven was freezing to the touch as her mother tried to hold her hand but was pushed away by one of the ambulance people. The bell for the end of sixth hour rang letting the teenagers free of there classes for five minutes. As they pulled the girl out into the hall there were faces of people that knew Raven clouded up with mix emotions.

A boy with long black hair and an Avenge Sevenfold tee froze; you could see he was fighting back the tears and questions. Raven's mother knew the boy, he was her daughter's best friend; His name is Adam, and she gave him a sad smile as she walked on down the hall. As they walked her mum saw another familiar face, a short girl with short black hair smiled at a blond haired girl before she saw the stretch and the smile faded into horror-filled tears. Her mum gave her a regretful smile to the girl; who she knew by Amy. They were almost out of the school when a face of a boy caught Raven's mum's attention, the boy responsible for Raven's pain. She glared at the boy wishing bad things to him but walked right past the boy. Oh did she know him, he was the only boy that Raven had ever talked about. The one boy you could tell, even without Raven saying so, she was in love with him. Only thing was both her mother and her didn't know if he was just playing with the girl's head or if everything he ever said was from the heart. Her mum refused to acknowledge the boys name for she was going to blame him and only him. He was the one who hurt her daughter… that she knew of.

Raven laid in the white hospital bed with different tubes twisted around her and needles in her veins. Her mother sat in the chair next to the bed calmly reading a Dristan's Files book. That's all she could do is sit and wait for Raven to wake up. Raven had lost almost all her blood and if they hadn't gotten to her in time… she would have died. Her mother was thankful for that, surely, but Raven wasn't. Raven swam in her darkness in her head waiting to either see a light above or a dark swallowing hole below. Of all the things she wasn't sure about this one thing, one thing of dying was one she was sure about. For years she hated her life and each time she'd try to end it but someone would tell her "Oh, it will get better. You'll see." But she waited and saw but after three years it just got worse. _What they said was bullshit,_ the words echoed in her head, bouncing off the walls of her skull over and over again. Only thing is when she actually found a reason to stay it crumbled into tiny pieces in her hands. _I could curse her, even wish her dead but what would that be? Selfish, that's right. Fucking selfish. But if he wants her over me… I'll let him. I don't deserve him anyways. He deserves someone better and she is it._ If Raven could cry she would. She lasted three weeks of pain and finely decided to pull the plug just to stop suffering but the suffering didn't end; now by the hand of her mother she was stuck here because her mother wanted to save her but poor mum couldn't. Raven made up her mind because she loved him enough to take her life so he'd live a happy life… without her. This isn't a happy ending story, not a full hearted love story that only Disney would come out with, this is fucking reality. She knew letting go wasn't enough, she had to completely disappear. So she did. This story is about a girl, a girl name Raven Midnight. I'm that girl. I tried committing suicide, and I succeed.

Raven Midnight

1996- 2012

Will be missed…. By no one.

It has been six months since I tried committing suicide. Want to guess what happened? I'm in fucking coma. Stuck in this stupid hospital with a weeping somebody or other always in this tiny white room. Ick! I blame my mum, all the kids at school, and him… no I can't blame him, it not his fault. It's everyone else but mostly mum's for not being able to let me go. Fuck, we can't ever afford this fucking live support and she can't let her oldest child go... I don't think I could blame her. This would be hard for anyone. Mum sits by my side everyday crying and telling how much she misses me. God, it makes me want to fucking hurl but then again it makes me want to hug her and tell her I'm sorry. You would think after six fucking months I would regret trying to committee suicide but I still don't; I don't think I ever will. Mum is crying again, she has lost my attention again but her words manage to drill into my skull.

"We can't afford the life support anymore." She sobbed harder.

_I know that!_

"The hospital is going to shut it off tomorrow. I'm so sorry, Ravvy."

_Don't be, mum_, I wanted to say but I couldn't instead I was thrilled that the day I was waiting for was coming. _Yay!_

"I wish you would wake up."

_What!? Are you fucking kidding!?_

"I have to go. I'll come see you just before, alright?" She blew her nose and left.

_Fine, whatever._

Tomorrow didn't come as fast as wanted but when it did come and mum came to say goodbye I still didn't regret. I just didn't.

"It's a pity all these flowers are going to go to waste, and all these chocolates." My sister said with a mouthful of what I could tell was the chocolates.

_I had chocolate send to me… from whom?_

"Let me have some!" my brother called from across the room at my sister. Mum's familiar sound of muffled but heavy steps walked in.

"The doctors are coming; they'll be over in a couple minutes." My mum was weak from crying, tired from it even.

Coma; a state between life and death, a place for decision; to die or life. Or a place of prison, to keep you until you're done fighting just to take you away broken. A place for understanding.

You'll never hear someone telling you want its like to be in coma, never, and for everyone it's different. It may be their house, what they think death would be like and of course their heaven or hell but to me, its just darkness. Forgettable. Misery. Coma. It's so dark I can't see my hands an inch from my face. So fucking dark.

I still don't regret.

The drowning darkness has me stuck in thought from the words that are being said outside my little cave of bleakness. I'm not plotting; my plotting is done and completed. The doctors by now I'm sure will be unplugging the life support, in fact I hear mum sobbing and the doctors apologizing.

_Good-bye world, it was nice while it last but I got plans in other places._

Welcome to the dark side.


End file.
